10 Action Movies and the Things About Them That Make Me Cringe
Monday, 26 July 2004 9:09 CDT
- The Fifth Element—Bruce Willis' orange tank top with the cut-out back (P.S. This movie shares one actor in common with Blade Runner. Can you name him?)
- Cliffhanger—John Lithgow and his hilarious British accent
- The Matrix—(about the Sentinels)
Trinity: "A killing machine designed for one thing . . ."
Dozer: "Search and destroy."
Wait . . . so . . . two things?
- The Highlander—Soundtrack by Queen. Need I say more?
- Mission Impossible 2—That bizarre scene where Tom Cruise emerges slowly from an archway and pigeons fly into the air all around him. Not only did it look like he was channeling Brandon Lee, it was one of the few moments where I laughed out loud. Thanks for the comic relief, guys.
- Dungeons and Dragons—TIE! Either Jeremy Irons screaming at the sky like a maniac, doing his damndest to salvage a really disappointing movie, or the scene where the Wayans brother dies.
- Return of the Jedi—In Jabba's palace, when villainous muppet Salacious Crumb suddenly leaps to the ceiling and screeches like the singer from AC/DC. It's obvious he was tugged by some kind of pulley, and it looks like something I could have rigged up when I was eight years old.
- Con-Air—Nicolas Cage, arrayed in all his prison finery, winking
- Face/Off—Nicolas Cage again! This time when he's playing John Travolta trapped in Nick Cage's body. He does his best to blend laughing and crying, and the result is reminiscent of that Star Trek: The Next Generation episode in which the emotion chip causes Data to short-circuit. This bit of melodrama is not just bad, it's wow-bad.
- Stargate—For all the talk of Jaye Davidson's sexual ambiguity in this movie, I found Alexis Cruz' belly-baring animal skin top to be much more confusing. First time I watched the movie, I missed crucial bits of dialogue trying to figure out if this character was a teenaged boy or just somebody's flat-chested little sister. And by the way, what is French Stewart doing playing a soldier in this movie? They might as well have gotten Rip Taylor.
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1 Akson said January 14, 2010 at 9:37 p.m.
I can't name the actors, but are their roles the Chinese Noodle vendor (in both movies) and Leon the Replicant/Space Marine?
2 Karen said January 14, 2010 at 9:37 p.m.
Right you are, Akson 7. Incidentally, I don't know their names either. I guess I could look it up on the imdb.com, but that would require effort and we all know how lazy I am.
3 Akson said January 14, 2010 at 9:37 p.m.
I think I may watch too many movies.
4 Stinkubus said January 14, 2010 at 9:37 p.m.
The movies share only one actor I can think of: Brion James, the recently deceased actor who played the replicant (BR) and the military general (FE). The actor playing the noodle vendor (Kim Chan) was not in Blade Runner, at least not as far as I can determine, but I think you maybe confusing him with James Hong - James Hong was in Blade Runner and portrayed the eye specialist.
5 Karen said January 14, 2010 at 9:37 p.m.
You're correct, Stinkubus, although I feel like an idiot admitting it. I WAS thinking of James Hong. Turns out he was also Lo Pan in Big Trouble in Little China!